Odds & Ends
by KuroTan - the Mistress in Hell
Summary: "Make my voice your power" she said. Not sure about rating, it might get slightly violent later.
1. Chapter 1

This is something I wrote based on the wonderful song "Odds & Ends" originally by Hatsune Miku, but I listened to the cover of Teto and instantly made a fanfic on it. There will be more chapters than this, I'll try to get chapter two finished by next week; if someone wants to see, that is.

Disclaimer: I do not own Hatsune Miku! I only own my own character, Shinji!

Enjooooy ~ 3 /

Chapter 1

"This is hopeless! I can't do anything, I'm hopeless…" Shinji cried at the computer; he knew this kind of thing was odd, but it wasn't every computer that could answer. This one, though, could.  
"You're not hopeless, Shinji! You can use my voice just well, and your songs are amazing!" the computer exclaimed and he looked at the screen. It was almost completely covered by the face of a girl with teal eyes and hair staring at him sternly.  
"Miku… no matter how many damn times you say that, I can't become friends with them… I'm doing my best…"  
"Well, for what reason, huh?!"  
"… No reason in particular…"he muttered and felt lucky that the wall of cyberspace separated him from the synthesizer program. She could be quite short-tempered at times, and sometimes even attempted to smack him in the head with her leek.  
"Then why are you doing it?! It's stupid! They're horrible, and evil to you! You're just sad and confused, and they say mean things about you!"  
"It's my own entire fault… I'm worth nothing… I'm just invisible, not worth of attention, the outcast…"  
"You're a wonderful person! Let me show it through you! Let my voice become your power!"  
He just sighed painfully and looked into his hands.  
"I know you're trying… but we both know I don't have any power… goodnight, Miku."  
With a swap of his hands he turned off the computer despite Miku's protests and took a glance at his classes for tomorrow. He had two classes of Japanese, then two English classes, and a History class and at last two hours of Music, his favorite class. Despite everyone making fun of his use of vocaloid and the fact that he could never show his talent in the class.  
He was just a target for laughing voices and bullying. He should just give it up; he was hopeless. His grades weren't the best and the only thing he cared for was music, and not even that he could do right. What was going to happen with him?  
He packed his bag for tomorrow's classes and went out of his dimly lit room to the bathroom. After a quick, cold shower he was back in his own bed, unable to sleep once again.  
What would life bring him tomorrow?

The mornings were always the worst. His head would hurt, his eyes would sting with tears, and his body would feel weak. He went up and skipped breakfast to just go outside. It was in the middle of September and quite cold and rainy, his favorite weather.  
The words from Miku last night had his head filled. _"Let my voice become your power!"_ was she joking? There was no way he had any power to start with, how could he make something his power? He bit his lip once again and threw himself on the bench at the bus stop. There was still an hour until school started, but better be early than late. The bus was crowded and the second he entered, he spotted two girls from his class. They sent him a look they probably thought he didn't see and started whispering while giggling. All he wanted to in that moment was to cry, but he sat down far away from them, with his head hung, trying to look at his feet like they were the most interesting thing in the world. He decided to put his headphones in and looked at the phone display when the music suddenly stopped. He gave the phone an annoyed look before Miku appeared in mini-format on the screen with an annoyed look on her face.  
"WHY THE HELL DID YOU CUT ME OFF LAST NIGHT?! Stupid jerk!" she whined into my ears and I turned the volume a little down, pulling my phone closer to myself to make it look like I was talking on the phone.  
"I'm sorry Miku… okay? Don't be mad…"  
"Geez, Shinji! You're amazing, okay? I may get pissed at you, but you're a good kid… and you have talents. As a diva I know talent, Shinji. Start to believe in yourself, and your dream will come true!"  
"It won't happen, Miku… it won't. Stop this and just leave me alone for a little, okay?"  
The virtual figure glared at him for a few moments before disappearing off into a folder, making the music start again. He put his phone into his pocket and looked at his hands for what seemed like hours until the bus arrived at the school building. He stepped out and onto the school grounds; the wind messed his plain brown hair and he sniffed. Maybe he was getting a cold; he was surely feeling tired and weak. And a headache had been annoying him in the last few days.  
He took out the headphones and put them in his bag before looking upwards at the big, old tree in the front of the school. Its leaves were falling off, and it looked like a big, crooked monster that could run after you anytime. He entered the school building and shook off the cold as warmth embraced him gently. With no further hesitance he ducked his head and went to his locker, silently flipping open the door. The locker was filled with books, and in the very back of the locker was a figurine of Miku, standing proudly with a "do your best!" sign in her hand. The figurine gave him a bad stomach feeling and he turned it around, before putting in all the books he didn't need, taking out the ones he needed for Japanese class.  
He made it just in time, none of the students offering him as much as a look. He heard a few nasty comments about his use of Miku and that it was a horrible voice, but he sat down in his chair without paying attention. They knew they were right… he forced up a smile and tried to talk to some of them, but they seemed to avoid talking to him. After a while he gave up and sunk defeated down in the seat, before the teacher entered. He turned the volume of his phone all the way down in case Miku returned to throw another fit at him, you never knew with her amazing ability to time things oh so horribly. Just in case he turned off the phone and left the cyber-idol to herself in her little world inside the computer. He'd always wondered how she did it; she could appear on any screen she was installed on. How was that possible? Despite being curious, he was a bit happy. Miku was practically his only friend, his only company.  
His father was dead and his mother was never home due to her job, leaving Shinji all alone the most of the time, he made his own dinner usually, took care of the house and sometimes he'd skip school to sleep… the feeling of no one liking him was tearing at his will to stay in the world. Suddenly, he felt the usual dizziness of no eating since the night before, and he took a look at his body. He'd gotten thinner; that was for sure. He covered up in the big hoodie he was wearing and just half listened to what the teacher was saying, making the assignments they were handed as well as he could.  
That was how most of his classes passed, until the Music class. He pulled out a sheet of music and went to the teacher's desk. As usual, the teacher was looking up at him with a smile plastered on her sweet face. She'd always been his favorite teacher; treating him like he existed.  
"Sensei… what do you think about this?"  
He shyly handed her the music sheet and she glanced at it over her glasses before looking up at him.  
"Did you write this?"  
"U-uhm… y-yes."  
With an awkward blush he looked down; it was kind of his secret so it made him embarrassed to talk about it in public. She just smiled and handed him it back without a word. He took the lead and went to his seat, sitting in the back of the room with his head down. He looked up through the hoodie, wanting to pay attention to at least this class; he needed to learn. He didn't get any other word in for the rest of the class and did what he was told to. No one would have him in their group for some group work, and he just got in the unlucky group that had to have him. They didn't let him make a single of the tasks, and he ended up learning just about nothing in that class. He showed not to care much and just kept smiling. The dizziness from not eating anything all day was washing over him, making him sway and his vision blur.  
No one noticed.  
After the classes, he went home directly with the bus, the same girls gossiping about him. He kept his head lowered as usual and turned on his phone while putting in the headphones. To his big joy, or maybe disappointment, Miku didn't appear first thing on his screen. He had been kind of evil to her earlier, it was stupid; he had been frustrated and he still was. But even if he'd been nice to her, he would still have those negative thoughts. Miku would never truly understand how he felt. She was loved by anyone and everyone, and he was known to no one. Not a single person wanted to do with him, it stung in his heart. What had he done so wrong in life to deserve that? He bit his lip again and looked into his hands.  
Way too late, in his opinion, the bus arrived at his stop and he darted out of the bus to run behind a couple of trees, where he sat down in the grass.  
He'd been more than horrible to Miku; what if she'd taken it too seriously and was gone for real? He anxiously turned on his phone and looked into the display, tears starting to sparkle in his eyes. As if called for, blue eyes looked directly at him from the display, before Miku got a little back so she was in half view on the small phone screen.  
"Why are you so sad, Shinji?"  
"M-Miku! Don't scare me like that!" he sobbed and she sent him a small smile.  
"Wipe away your tears; I'll always be here… okay? I don't care how mean you are, you'll have to stick with me forever if necessary."  
A little smile found its way to Shinji's lips and he wiped the tears away, before getting on his feet.  
"I'm sorry, Miku; I never meant to say those things… I just don't know what's going on, my head hurts and so does my heart…"  
"They're evil to you; they don't treat you as you deserve, Shinji. You need to stop caring about their opinion, what happened to all your wonderful creativity?!"  
"I don't know, okay?! Now stop before I get pissed again, please!"  
"… Fine. But one day, you'll realize; Shinji, you have the talent of a true artist."  
"Yeah, right. Thanks… but it's not true. I'm hopeless."  
He closed down his phone and went directly back to the apartment he and his mother shared. When he came back, his mother was actually in the living room, sending him a stern look.  
"You're home late."  
"I didn't get the bus."  
As quickly and calmly as he could he made his way to his room and locked the door behind him. He did not want to talk to his mom; she would just ask him about friends and he would lie as usual saying that everything was just fine. Even if it went on horribly. When he turned on the computer, the face of Miku met his again.  
"You just won't realize, will you? Why?"  
"Because you don't understand a thing, don't you get it?!"  
This was getting on his nerves; even if he didn't want her gone, he was pissed with Miku currently. She scowled and pointed a finger at him.  
"You… you're going to become a wonderful person one day. Realize that and we can talk."  
With that she disappeared without a word from the screen and left a regretting Shinji alone.


	2. Chapter 2

Finally got my time and wrote the second chapter ~ I'm sorry if my chapters aren't so long, should they be longer? If yes I'll see what I can do about it, really.

**Warning**: Hints to suicidal behaviour and self-harm.

Chapter 2

The next morning Shinji was lost for all to be said. Miku hadn't appeared once since the night before and he heaved a deep sigh, almost wanting to scream her name at the computer to make her come out of her hidings. She said she wouldn't talk to him unless he realized that he was a wonderful person. Like that would ever happen. He would never realize that, ever. Because he knew deep in his heart that it wasn't true. After all, he was just hopeless and useless; he would never become anything.  
Surely, Miku knew that and was just trying to cheer him up with fake hopes. There was no reason for him to be amazing. He was bad with just about anything, average in every corner of his existence.  
There wasn't the least possibility of him being anything.  
Snapping him out of his thoughts was Miku, who suddenly appeared on the screen with a happy, ecstatic whine.  
"Shinji! You have to see this!" she exclaimed and looked up at him with her widest and happiest eyes. What could have happened for her to be so happy all of a sudden?  
"What?"  
He knew how cruel it sounded but she didn't stop and clicked in on his internet to go to his NicoNicoDouga profile.  
"See?! You know what this means, right?!" she yelled and pointed at the screen.  
The downloading of his newest song was rising quickly. There would almost be a new download every second. The current number was on 10.000. He couldn't stop staring at it. How was it possible? The views of the video itself had almost passed 1.000.000!  
"M-Miku… you don't tell me…?!"  
"See! You do have talent!"  
"But… how is this possible?"  
"The song was apparently watched by Ryo, and when he put it in one of his mylists, everyone looked at it!" she answered and gave him the brightest smile, dancing around through the frames of the screen. He couldn't help but laugh slightly and open up the vocaloid program.  
Miku sent him another sparkling smile and she pulled on her headset, getting herself ready.  
"What is your wish, master?"  
He started humming softly, while playing small accords on his guitar. That continued for a few minutes before he looked up at Miku on the screen. She was having her eyes closed and opened them as soon as he stopped playing.  
"Sounds great, Shinji."  
He nodded softly and for a while she practiced humming to the melody like him, before he settled down with the music sheets to make the lyrics. His brain collapsed.  
"What the actual heck should I write about?!" he whined into the paper and looked at it as if words would form just from intense staring. That of course didn't work the least and he strained his not cooperating brain to surrender and help him a little. In the end it didn't work well either and he looked at Miku with a defeated look.  
"Shinji, you can write it later, okay?"  
"Fine…"  
He turned off the computer as Miku sent him a small smile and lied down in his futon. After all he couldn't do this. People thought it was a silly thing, that the voice sounded horrible. Shinji didn't want to let it get to him, but it was inventible; he would always care about their scolding words, their mean comments and laughing and giggling voices as they would whisper about him. Those voices was what he heard when he closed his eyes, they haunted him in his worst nightmares. It was hard to not care when everyone's opinion was all he cared about. He had nothing else to go after. No parents, no one who he could expect to catch him if he slipped and fell. He was very much alone in this world, and it hurt. Why couldn't he be friends with everyone? Why did everyone hate him so badly?  
Quickly he let his now exhausted body relax and soon he was asleep on the couch; the world was just so horrible to live in sometimes.

The next morning he awoke to the rain pounding against his window. Outside the weather was grey, boring and of course… rainy. After a small breakfast he grabbed his rain boots, jacket and umbrella from the shelves before he left the house with his school bag over his shoulder. Today was Friday, luckily, so he wouldn't have to spend so long more with the people from his class.  
With a small sigh, he went with the bus for school and prepared for another day that would be much the same as all his other days.

On his way home, the rain started to pour, and he pulled out his umbrella. After a small while the wind took it and he watched it fly away in the wind. Miku scowled before motioning for him to put his phone in his pocket, which he did.  
"Whatever… I guess you can get a new one…" he muttered, though he didn't really believe it; it had been his favorite umbrella. Even something that silly bothered him to no end. What was wrong with his life? Just about everything.  
When he finally came home to his house, he was drenched, cold and tired. Why wouldn't life just give him a break already? With a deep sigh he went to wash the cold off with a hot shower, and came out in a plain t-shirt, his hoodie and a pair of loose jeans. Yes, he wore a hoodie just about anywhere and everywhere, always so it would hide him from the crowds around him. Shuddering a bit from the cold, he went to make a cup of tea and rested his head against the pillows of the sofa, half paying attention to the movie on the TV while drinking. As usual his mother wasn't home, just as he wanted it. A lonely and quiet house where no one would get in the way of the small box he felt he was engulfed in. Away from piercing, down-looking glares, away from scolding and bullying voices, away from the rain… everything was perfect as long as he stayed in his little bubble. He drank the last of his tea and put the cup on the table, curling further into the couch while pulling a blanket over his cold, thin body. The warmth washed over him as he laid there and soon he fell asleep, only to wake up about ten minutes later as he started coughing uncontrollably. Still coughing he went to the bathroom quickly and threw up. He knew it was from the breakfast, and if he continued like this it would get dangerous, but what could he do? His stomach simply couldn't take in food at the moment. He washed his face off and looked at the pale face looking at him in the mirror. He was having black marks under his eyes, and his eyes weren't shining, rather they were just blank and emotionless. He might as well have been a corpse; he looked lifeless and slowly, he raised a hand to the mirror and stared at that instead. Soon he got enough of looking at his own reflection and went out of the bathroom, going to turn on his computer. Maybe he should tell Miku; it wasn't like she had anyone to gossip about it to. But deep inside him, something wouldn't let him do it, as he felt ashamed of what was happening. Though, soon enough, Miku would notice his changes anyways. He grieved for that day, it was impossible to hide forever. He carefully tried to eat an apple before logging onto his computer, instantly being met by Miku's face filling the whole screen.  
"How's the prince?" she giggled and backed a little to wave to him from inside the screen. She always managed to be just so fucking happy about everything, it was almost annoying… how could she understand what he was going through at the moment?  
"Hi." he just muttered and she glared at him suspiciously, waiting for him to explain what was wrong, it seemed.  
And the explanation never came, it probably wouldn't ever come. He should maybe give Miku some sort of apologizing gift, though what could you get for a computer synthesizer program? It wasn't like he could just give her a necklace or something a normal girl would like, she was inside of the damn computer, for crying out loud!  
"I'm… I'm sorry, Miku."  
"For what, Shinji?"  
"… For being a jerk to you." was his soft reply as he stroked the screen where she was, making her shake her head and giggle up at him.  
"Well you are always a jerk to me, so I'll live. I know you care. Now what's with your face? You're so pale."  
"… I… I… uh, forget it. It's nothing of importance; I'm just really worn out from school and such…"  
She seemed satisfied with the explanation and just sat on a browser window, waiting for him to give her some sort of order as to what to do.  
"Did you come up with any text for the song?"  
He shook his head and she sighed, before sending him a smile, winking out at him while jumping to her feet.  
"Shinji, just take your time… think about things. Write something that comes directly from your heart. Promise me you'll do that…"  
"I will, Miku, I promise."  
"Good. Now if you're really so tired why don't you get some sleep? You surely deserve it."  
"But I can't sleep, Miku, or else I would be. My head just hurts…"  
"Ah, I see… well, hope you'll be better soon."  
She disappeared off into the depths of his computer and he was left with the blank and boring screen of his desktop. He ran pale fingers across the screen and looked deeply at it. If Miku would just stay with him forever, but she couldn't be with him always; he knew that. Deciding he would at least get dinner this night, he grabbed his wallet and went out of the house. One thing he could at least figure out how to do was cooking something. He wasn't sure he could even eat it, but that didn't matter for the time being; he just needed to at least make something.  
After the dinner he'd just made out of what he could put together he was again lying on the couch, his thoughts wandering off into thinking about the comments he'd gotten through his life about his use and joy of vocaloid. No one would accept his feelings and that made him feel alone. He was an outcast, and it was his own fault. He should just give up on vocaloid and never make songs ever again; then he would be a normal person, right? Then he could get to be normal, couldn't he? With a swift moment he was up from the couch and went to the bathroom. Soft fingers trailed around the frame of the mirror as he looked at the lifeless reflection before his eyes. It was agonizing to look at, and after a certain sweep of his arms, his sleeve rolled down to reveal almost his entire underarm. They were everywhere; scars, deep, shallow, long, short, wide, slim… old ones, newer ones and ones that were still red. He stared at the arm that was exposed for what seemed like an eternity before he covered it up with the sleeve again, dropping to his knees on the floor. Unable to take it any longer he buried his head in his hands and screamed at the top of his lungs. He couldn't care less about what the neighbors thought about him; he was crazy after all. Everyone knew he wasn't normal, and his sudden discovery and fondness of vocaloid didn't make it much better. He was a freak, and he damn well knew it. But no one knew the pain that resided deep inside his body; the agony that made his heart beat fast.  
Life.  
That was the entire problem about this wasn't it? he thought as he softly and smoothly raised the knife to his wrist.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The next events that happened were all a blur. A blur where shapes couldn't be told apart, where there was this beating sound in your ears, where the pain was gone and where you couldn't determine what on earth was going on.  
When Shinji woke up from this state he found himself in a room with navy blue painted walls. On his left was a small table where his phone was lying, charging, and a window on the wall that revealed he was probably on the 4th floor due to the height he could see things from. On the wall behind the bed he was lying in was a painting of a landscape with blue and pink flowers in a garden and a lake. Such a fake scenery, it was almost a joke. On the wall opposite of the bed was a table with several bottles and some tools he couldn't determine what was. And lastly, on the wall to his right was a door with a chair to the left.  
How had he ended up in a hospital?  
Before he could answer his own question, a nurse entered the room, her face lightening up in a smile when she saw that he was awake.  
"Oh! You're finally awake. How are you feeling?"  
"I'm… fine."  
What had happened?  
All he could do was think about the bandages around his head. Had he fallen down? Or something worse?  
"Does your head ache?"  
"No… I'm feeling okay. I'm just… a bit confused. What exactly happened to me?"  
"Your mother found you in the bathroom last night… there was a knife on the counter but it hadn't been used, and you were lying on the floor, apparently suffering from a blow to the head and a concussion, which is why you can't remember what happened. Do you remember if there was anyone else in the room?"  
Moments of silence passed as he thought closely, but then he shook his head and the nurse left the room with an understanding nod of her head. Truly, Shinji had no idea whatsoever what could have happened in the bathroom. He could barely remember stepping into the bathroom. Of course he deep inside knew exactly why the knife had been there, he had been trying to cut himself again. But why hadn't he? Who had hit him in the head? And for what reason?  
With a deep sigh he just leaned back against the pillow and closed his eyes. There was nothing else to do but wait patiently. Surprised, couldn't say he was. The fact that his mother was not present at the current scene didn't at all surprise him. He was used to that her care for him was barely anything unless he practically fell and was dying on the floor. And well, he must've been that the night before or else she would not have bothered to help him.  
Indeed his mother was a cruel being. At least she was cruel towards him, like he wasn't worth more than trash.

After he had sat in the hospital for almost two weeks they finally decided to let him go and he headed home, hoping for all in the world that his mother wasn't home. And as he expected, she wasn't present and he slipped into his room. The first thing he did was turn on the computer and a mess of blue hair attacked the screen as Miku flew to the front and looked at him. He knew what was coming and covered his ears slightly.  
"SHINJI! HOW DARE YOU LEAVE FOR TWO WEEKS ALL OF A SUDDEN AND TELL ME NOTHING?! WHAT HAPPENED?"  
"Miku! Miku please take it slow… I hit my head and was brought to the hospital and even if the injury wasn't all that serious they kept me there for so long! I-I'm sorry okay?"  
"Oh god I was so worried you moron!" she whined and span and jumped all around the screen; it was rather sickening to watch and when she finally stopped she was looking at him with sadness and worry in her eyes.  
"Don't you leave me ever again, got it?"  
"I promise…"  
He felt so guilty even if he as usual hadn't done anything wrong; he smiled and put his hand on the screen where her hand was, wiping away a few tears.  
"I'm sorry…"  
"No it's okay, you didn't do anything… just make sure to bring your phone next time you faint okay?" she smiled back and then regained her normal self, beaming up at him.  
"Now that you're back, what should we do?"  
She looked at him expectantly and he just sighed. What a two-faced computer program, honestly. He clicked open his music composing and recording program and pulled out his guitar.  
"I think I got an idea, for the melody…"  
"That's great! Let me hear it!"  
He ran fingers over the guitar strings gracefully as he started playing with the best he could; he had done as she had told him to, follow his heart. And then this melody hit him like lightning. Miku started singing along with the lyrics he had written while they recorded the song. As they finished she gave him a high-five, which was really just slamming her hand seemingly against the computer screen's edge. Cute. Shinji listened to the song a few times, fixing a few mistakes, adding effects and who knows what. He saved the still unfinished project and stood up.  
"I'll go to bed for now, two weeks in hospital is tiring."  
"Good night, Shinji. Great work today."  
He turned off the PC and went to his futon, where he was fast asleep.

A sound of a bird tapping on his window awoke him at 6 am. He considered getting up and going to school, but just lied back in bed. Right now he didn't want to go to school. He didn't want to see his classmates, or talk to them, or hear their gossiping. Honestly, he just wanted to cover his ears and scream out in pain. But who would hear those screams? Who would see his pain? God? No, there was no chance God was with him after all this. Friends? What friends, he thought.  
Miku? She wasn't even a human, and despite her being strong-minded, she didn't understand anything of what he was going through. She wasn't capable of understanding the darkness that clouded his heart and made it beat weaker. She wasn't aware of the clear black stains on his soul. She wasn't aware of the utter darkness that lured in every corner of his entire being. And why would she know? He surely had never made any show of it. And what would the point be of that, anyways. She would just try and change him, and that was not possible. He was rotten to the core and it had always been too late to save him. If people knew they might have cared about him, then they might have shown him worry. But he would know why they were doing it; out of pity. The last thing he wanted was god damn pity. It was pathetic. He sighed deeply as these thoughts overwhelmed him when he was lying there on his futon, wanting to go back into the calm blackness of sleep; the place where no one would ever bother him. With most of the energy he had, he sat up in the bed and let his head rest against his palm. A warm feeling met him. Was he having a fever? His head started spinning and he lied down again on his side. With tired eyes, he watched the birds flying outside his window, and he observed the clouded sky. It was all so… depressing to look at. Honestly, it couldn't fit his miserable mood any better; he was feeling grey, grey and foggy inside, like if someone had filled him up with raining clouds, and they were just waiting to fill him up with water and drown him from the inside. For a moment, he hoped for that to happen. Another 30 minutes passed with this and when he wouldn't be drowned in his internal rainy clouds, he sat up again, this time a bit slower. The spinning feeling didn't come this time and he swung his legs over the edge of the futon, swinging his legs for a moment before he stood on his bare feet on the cold wooden floor. With agonizingly slow footsteps he headed out of his room to the kitchen. So far no sign of his mom, only a note on the table that said she would be back in a week. A week, that was quite wonderful. Then he could at least be free from her and the hatred she seemed to harbor for him, for her own son.  
He let out a puff of breath and looked around the kitchen; his stomach felt like it had been turned and twisted so he just filled some water in the boiler for tea. In this condition, he was sure he wouldn't eat anything. After he had made his tea, he went into the living room. There was this slight urge in him to watch a movie, but when he found nothing interesting, he instead grabbed a CD case from his collection and put it in the big surround-sound music player they had in the living room. The songs of this particular CD was sad, melancholic and just gave a whole new meaning to the word "gloomy". It was perfect with his body that had slowly lost all color and life. While his thoughts drifted off to nothing in particular he drank his tea, the music echoing quietly through the room. His gaze settled boringly at the window, where he could see birds flying past, buildings, and if he looked downwards, the cars that drove around on the streets far below. The moments passed like that until he had finished drinking and the CD had reached past the last song; he got up from the sofa and put the cup in the dish washer, before he looked around. This was really not a good life, was it? Wouldn't anyone come pick him up?  
"Won't someone come save me…"  
The words were a whisper that left his lips without him knowing, and he walked back to the window. With slow movements he opened it and sat at the edge, ready to jump out. But he didn't jump out. He just sat there. He just sat right there, for what seemed like an eternity, until it was getting darker and he got inside again, closing the window behind him. No. No one would come save him… never. He wrapped his arms around himself, suddenly realizing how cold it was outside, and walked over to the sofa where he lied down and wrapped himself in two blankets. His gaze settled on the table that was placed just beside the sofa, and he closed his eyes after a few moments. His head hurt, and his heart twisted and turned and wriggled around inside his chest. The feelings were tearing him apart from the inside, and no one saw. No one noticed. No one cared. He let those thoughts take over his mind as he lied there, with his eyes closed and his hand clenched at his chest.  
The thoughts would never stop; it had always hurt, right since the day his father had passed away from cancer. His mother only seemed to care about herself from there on, like her love for her son had been artificial and nonexistent. Shinji had grown up like this, with a mother that probably wouldn't care much if he jumped out of the window, or slit his wrist and died. She didn't seem to give a shit about him.  
He opened his eyes for a few moments, tears clouding his vision. He was lonely, and most of all he was just another person in the crowd. But he wasn't just anyone. He had a heart, and feelings, and pain, and no one seemed to care about stuff like that. After a little while, his eyelids started to feel heavy and he closed them, slowly drifting into an uneasy sleep.


End file.
